Responding to Microaggressions: Target the Behavior, Not the Individual

Microaggressions - those subtle, often unintentional acts of discrimination - can have a significant negative impact on marginalized individuals. While it's important to address microaggressions when they occur, how we go about doing so matters just as much. One of the most effective approaches is to focus on addressing the problematic behavior rather than attacking or labeling the individual who has committed the microaggression. By targeting behaviors rather than the individual we are more likely to have productive conversations, increased understanding, and meaningful change.

The Importance of Separating Behavior from Identity

When someone commits a microaggression, it's easy to jump to labeling them as "racist," "sexist," "homophobic," or other term. However, this approach often backfires for several reasons:

1. It puts people on the defensive. Most people don't want to see themselves as bigoted and will react defensively if labeled as such. This shuts down openness to learning.

   
   

2. It suggests the problematic beliefs or behaviors are fixed and unchangeable, when in fact people can grow and evolve their views.

   
   

3. It fails to acknowledge that we all have unconscious biases and can commit microaggressions, even with good intentions.

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Instead, by focusing on the specific words or actions that were problematic, we create space for the person to reflect on and change their behavior without feeling their entire identity is under attack.

As diversity consultant Kevin Nadal explains in the New York Times article, "How to Respond to Microaggressions," it's important to "target the comment itself by saying, 'That statement was hurtful, and I felt that it reflected some racial bias' or by asking a clarifying question, such as 'What do you mean by that?' or 'Are you aware of how that might be interpreted?'" This approach invites reflection rather than defensiveness.

Strategies for Addressing the Behavior

When you witness or experience a microaggression, consider using these strategies to address the behavior specifically:

Use "I" statements to express impact. For example: "When you said X, I felt Y." This focuses on the effect of the words/actions rather than ascribing motivation.

Ask clarifying questions. "What did you mean when you said X?" or "Can you explain why you believe that?" This invites the person to examine their own assumptions.

Explain why the behavior is problematic. "That term is considered offensive because..." or "Making assumptions about X perpetuates harmful stereotypes."

Suggest alternative language or actions. "Instead of X, you could say/do Y."

Connect the behavior to larger systemic issues without personalizing. "Comments like that contribute to an environment where [marginalized group] feels unwelcome."

Acknowledge good intentions while still addressing impact. "I know you didn't mean to cause harm, but that comment reinforces negative stereotypes about X group."

By using these approaches, you keep the focus on the specific behavior that needs to change rather than making sweeping judgments about the person's character.

The Power of "Calling In" vs. "Calling Out"

The concept of "calling in" rather than "calling out" aligns closely with the strategy of addressing behaviors rather than individuals. Calling out tends to involve publicly naming and shaming someone for problematic behavior. While this can sometimes be necessary, especially for repeated or egregious acts, it often leads to defensiveness and doubles down on an "us vs. them" mentality.

Calling in, on the other hand, involves addressing the issue privately and compassionately, with the goal of education rather than punishment. It recognizes that we're all on a journey of learning and unlearning biases.

As Loretta J. Ross, a professor at Smith College who teaches about calling in, explains: "I think we actually sabotage our own happiness with this unrestrained anger. And I have to honestly ask: Why are you making choices to make the world crueler than it needs to be and calling that being a good activist?"

By calling people in to examine their behavior, rather than calling them out as bad people, we create opportunities for genuine reflection, accountability, and change.

Challenges and Considerations

While focusing on behaviors rather than individuals is generally the most effective approach, it does come with some challenges to be aware of:

1. It requires more nuance and often takes more time/effort than simply labeling someone.

   
   

2. There's a risk of tone policing or placing undue burden on marginalized people to always respond "perfectly" to aggressions against them.

   
   

3. For repeated offenses or when safety is at risk, a more direct confrontation of the individual may be necessary.

   
   

4. It can feel unsatisfying in the moment for those who want to express anger at being discriminated against.

   
   

5. Without proper follow-up, people may minimize their responsibility by saying "it was just that one comment" rather than examining broader patterns of behavior.

   
   

Creating Systemic Change

While interpersonal interventions are important, truly addressing microaggressions requires looking at the broader systems and cultures that allow them to persist. Some key strategies for creating wider change include:

1. Implementing ongoing training and education about microaggressions, unconscious bias, and inclusive behaviors.

   
   

2. Establishing clear policies and accountability measures for addressing discriminatory behavior in workplaces and institutions.

   
   

3. Increasing representation of marginalized groups in leadership positions.

   
   

4. Regularly assessing organizational culture and making necessary changes to foster true inclusion.

   
   

5. Encouraging open dialogue about diversity, equity and inclusion issues.

   
   

By combining individual interventions that address specific behaviors with efforts to transform systems, we can work towards truly inclusive environments where microaggressions become increasingly rare.

Final Thoughts About Addressing Microaggressions

Addressing microaggressions effectively requires skill, nuance and practice. By focusing on problematic behaviors rather than labeling individuals, we open the door for genuine learning and change. This approach recognizes our shared humanity and capacity for growth while still holding people accountable for harmful actions.

As we work to create more equitable and inclusive spaces, let's remember the words of author and activist Audre Lorde: "It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences." By addressing microaggressions skillfully and compassionately, we move closer to a world where diversity is truly celebrated and everyone feels valued and respected.